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:iconemmitree124:
I think your story has a very good idea and is progressing at a good speed. One thing that bothered me though was that you keep introducing new characters. I think you should decide on who your main characters are and stick with them instead of introducing several new people ever chapter. It's just geting confuzing.I also think you should try to reveiw your story more because there are alot of grammatical errors. And the final thing is that I appreciate that your trying to make the story seem more mature and paint a picture for the readers, but you don't have to describe everyday things like orange juice and the school bus. Other than those things, I think your story is great and that you should follow it through to the end. Good Luck!
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65 out of 67 deviants thought this was fair.

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