2P N. Italy x Reader X 2P Allies: Dark Romance p7" I have to call the police," I whimpered with tears still running down my face. I knew I had to call them but then I stopped to think, because it was my word against Vincent's and his groups word, if they get rid of the bodies. This made me freeze, and think hard on what might happen then. With these thoughts, more tears spilled from my eyes and fell to the ground. After awhile of my friends trying to calm me down again, I told them what happened at my house before I called Adamo. They remained quiet for quite awhile after I finished telling them. All Gilen did was pull me into a hug and tell me it will be okay. "They will pay for what they did, (name)," Adamo snarled with more rage, anger, and hatred then I have ever seen. He got up, walked over to where i was, and hug me a second time!
I think your story has a very good idea and is progressing at a good speed. One thing that bothered me though was that you keep introducing new characters. I think you should decide on who your main characters are and stick with them instead of introducing several new people ever chapter. It's just geting confuzing.I also think you should try to reveiw your story more because there are alot of grammatical errors. And the final thing is that I appreciate that your trying to make the story seem more mature and paint a picture for the readers, but you don't have to describe everyday things like orange juice and the school bus. Other than those things, I think your story is great and that you should follow it through to the end. Good Luck!